


Leave Your Fears Behind

by Tenebrex



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Lots and lots of hurt and angst, M/M, Nightmares, There is a happy-ish ending to this, implied major character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 00:49:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1325500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tenebrex/pseuds/Tenebrex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He is back in Hell.</p><p>Everything is flickers of red, yellow and orange, roaring flames licking against every surface in reach, consuming every particle getting in the way. The air fills with devastating panicked screams of the damned. Hundreds, thousands, billions of voices crying in mind-numbing agony, undergoing shattering torture worse than anything you can ever imagine.</p><p>And it is all in his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave Your Fears Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how or why this happened. I have had a shitty week and needed to pour some of the hurt out on paper. This came out on top. 
> 
> Please read tags before reading! If you see some triggers, don't read.  
> This is entirely hurt but there is a happy-ish ending, because I'm just that kind of person.

**Leave Your Fears Behind**

He is back in Hell.

Everything is flickers of red, yellow and orange, roaring flames licking against every surface in reach, consuming every particle getting in the way. The air fills with devastating panicked screams of the damned. Hundreds, thousands, _billions_ of voices crying in mind-numbing agony, undergoing shattering torture worse than anything you can ever imagine.

And it is all in his head. All those screams are in his own frikken head, taking up room so he can't hear his own thoughts that all scream _nononopleasegodno_ , an endless chant in perfect sync with the horrible choked whines escaping his sore throat.

He’s lying flat on his back looking up on a sky that seems too perfect through the blurry tears rising on their own accord. Raw asphalt is chewing its way into the exposed skin on his back, his entire left side is just one big pool of blood and heat and pain and he can’t _remember why._ Why it burns like the sun itself was forced against the vulnerable skin or why his heart has been ripped out of his chest and is bleeding out on the ground on his left.

The fog in his mind lifts immediately and he _remembers._ And then he wishes he never did, because the surge of excruciating torment that hits him is just too much for him to bear. He can’t-he just can’t fucking _breathe_. His lungs joins his heart on the asphalt beside him and he chokes on his own agony, feeling his chest contract and his mouth filling with the irony taste of blood.

He’s on his knees before he even realizes it. How he made his body move, how he ignored the fire burning in his skin, how he managed to fill his body with air without his lungs is lost for him. His eyes clears up, tears disappearing and everything just magnifies a hundred thousand times.

Then he screams.

He keeps screaming, keeps crying, keeps _hurting_ so goddamn much because the sight before him is his worst nightmare come true. The body under neigh his hands is the worst possible thing he have and could ever have felt against his skin. The color of the blood that paints his fingers red is the one he hates the most.

 _“Cas? Cas! Oh god no please no no no!”_ How did it come to this? How the hell did he end up here?

He grabs and shakes Cas’ head, screams his name again and again and _again,_ begs for him to move, to breathe, to just fucking look at him, something, anything. Please don’t do this, please don’t be dead, please please please don’t leave me.

But Cas isn’t responding. Dean knows he won’t. The slim silver blade embedded in his stomach has made sure he never will again.

Clouded empty dark blue eyes looks aimlessly into the air and he can’t look at them but at the same time he can’t look away, because that light that he loved so much, that made the eyes bluer than blue, it has burned its way out of the fleshy cage and is _gone_ , the thing that he cared about is gone and he knows now that the lightness of those eyes was 100 % true _Cas._

And Dean just breaks _._ He collapses over the body of his friend, his brother, his soul mate and he _breaks_. It is no more than 12 hours ago that he had kissed the pale rosy lips that lie against his cheek now and they had moved against his. No more than 12 hours ago that stifled moans and sighs of pleasure fought their way out of that mouth in hot breaths against his skin. 12 hours since the strong beat of a heart thundered in the chest he lies against, forcing blood filled with red-hot desire out into the body lying silent under him.

He hasn’t even said he loved him yet. As the goddamn coward he is, he never said it, never told Cas just how fucking much he meant to him. Now it is too late. Cas can’t hear it anymore. He can’t feel the rush of warmth created by the words in his chest anymore. He can’t smile shyly or blush or kiss Dean senseless if Dean whispered the words to him in the moment they let their bodies combine in that perfect symphony. Not anymore. Dean had waited too long, had been too much of a coward, too afraid that the happiness and joy and peace he felt wouldn’t last and he had never said it out loud. And now it is too late.

Now all that is left is the broken body of the man he had loved, the blood of his angel on his hands, the black graffiti of wings on the raw asphalt on either side of him and the burns in his skin of the same wings because he had been too close when it happened, when Cas lost control and the light exploded out of him. And Cas had fought so hard to make Dean move. Used his last breath, his last strength to make Dean get the fuck out of there so he wouldn’t have to live with the burn-scars of his dead angel’s wings on his skin.

All that is left is the pain and the screams.

* * *

It’s the screams he hears first when he jolts awake in total darkness. It’s his own screams he hear. And then it is a raw voice filled with concern and distress and panic trying to soothe him, make him calm down. Then he feels the body that is wrapped around the left side of his body, making his skin burn too hot so it feels like it’s melting.

It’s bright baby blue eyes locking with his green ones that makes him understand. It was a dream. A nightmare. Cas is alive, 100 % breathing living human and he’s sitting _right there_ and he is looking terrified beyond belief but still trying to make Dean’s pain and panic go away.

Dean presses a bruising kiss to Cas’ lips the second he remembers how to make his muscles move. Kiss after kiss after kiss is forced onto those wonderful warm lips that automatically kisses him back and Cas just lets him because even if he doesn’t know what the nightmare was about, he knows Dean needs to find comfort in his touch and presence like he has done so many times before.

And Dean starts to ramble in between kisses, muttering _iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou_ and _pleasedontleaveme_ and _ineedyou_ like his life depends on it, because now he knows it does. Now he know he can never live without Cas again. He's caught too deep and he don't care anymore. Fear is spiking high in his chest, making him shake and tremble under Cas’ soft touches like no creature has ever made him do before.

“I won’t” Cas whispers when Dean’s voice drops to silent cries and he presses a gently kiss to Dean's forehead.

“Don’t worry my love, I’m not going anywhere. I am right here, I'll watch over you” Another feather-light kiss and Cas’ mumbles against his lips:

_“Leave your fears behind.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the major feels. It just needed to come out.  
> Kudos and comments is much appreciated.  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
